inside of me.

Almost half year i didn't spent my moments to update this blog. Mainly, i am not a regular blogger who have plenty of excitements in life.

Back to a normal working life is just plainly reorganize my body system to have an organized time-table.

Money is the motivation to keep me doing something that can make me feel motivated & inspired.
If i have a choice to do something in my life. I will prefer doing nothing. And plainly sleep & listening music for the rest of my life. Whatever i am doin in my entire life since to be influence & inspired by the music i passed by.

There are no closer things which can make my mind calm down to draw in concentration except music. When i say music. It is my selected music. Not the music that somebody else play for me.


Drawing is not a fully enjoyment. But it did bring some contented moment once you achieve something that out of expectation. Unfortunately, the moment only arrive very rare as I know what i want to see. It is a suffering process that only person in myself could feel the pain.

Everyday after working, i spent my time to hold the pencil and keep drawing in solitude. Practise my sense in lines & contour. Hope it can improve my digital sketching. I don't have a computer to work in my current rented room. It is indeed suffering for one who spent years to accumulate the motivation to paint in digital. Haha, i am one creature that needs lotsa reasons to decide on something. Over 6 months, i can only feel myself improve just a little. I know there is a big distance to get into the level i wanted to step into. All i need is precious time & tons of personal moment.

Yeah.. i don't need people to entertain me right now. I am hell busy as i should. Working hour takes away all my time. Whenever i having some empty slot, give me a piece of mind with silent sleep or sweet music.

Especially this career related to my entire living style & living motive.

I met this closer friend. He asked me to work hard to achieve like whoever peoples he knew surrounding him. I felt extreemely offended when people actually asking me to work hard.

In real life, peoples judging the achievement by looking at the assets that you possessed.

I am not 100% hardworking. At least i am self-initiative more than 50% to do my job. haha..why not 100%?
Yeah, i will losing my soul and offended to many peoples surrounding me.

There is a balancing measurement in life. We couldn't giving out 100% to something we love. Else, despite something else which couldn't grab it back no matter how much you given out later.

I learnt this lesson and i afraid to repeat the history.

So friends who found this message incidently here. Please don't question about my life. If you are enjoying your life. I blessing you all the time.


And don't call me out for nonsense meet-up. I rather stay home and pick up a meaningful movies to study. There are more things to study for me.

Argh...new artwork... next time or maybe not. I am not proud of them.. I am kinda stress out with no computer to draw at home still.
I just don't want to bring up my ancient AMD64 PC to rented room.


It can't even support latest games. haha...

In my new year resolution, i wish i can..
- play more games to increase my knowledge & art sense. I don't play games to kill time indeed.
- watch more movies that can stronghold my motivation to create art.
- meet more cool peoples that can eventually motivated me. I just don't like people who talk alot and work a little. I couldn't get the idea why i really try to avoid such type of peoples. Probably i afraid to revive the lazy disease in myself.
- More money.. It's true. I won't deny it. To support my family & myself. And quit spending too much concern in how to make extra income. And focusing in my CG journey.
- Healthy and contented. Why no happy? Artist can hardly feel happy most of the time. The moment we are happy is when we don't want peoples to worry about our situation. Should i say that is professional emotional management in life? Yeah, so strike back to you. No sour face to me too. I am giving you a glad smile.
- Peace in everywhere. It's tough. haha... Greed & lust inside human is always hard to forbidden.
- Lastly, i want to do something major in next year. I don't mean marriage..haha...Damn majority of my friends had been marry... Those are luxury life & a burden to my life.

I am one difficult person to cheer up..hehe.